Man Card

deek · Post by **deek** » Tue Dec 18, 2007 4:27 pm

Garr wrote:
deek wrote:
Garr wrote:now, if you were saying something like "When I was in Vegas, I had this kinky hooker in the spread eagle position on a bed of lettuce while her girlfriend was tickling my yams. . ."

Then, and only then, can you use the phrase "bed of lettuce."
While the above is true, I don't think Garr should be representing appropriate card-carrying usage...as his was revoked back in 2005...

And I still have E-mail proof of your revocation ceremony from Clint and Chico...
Collecting hooker cards in Vegas automatically restores all rights and privileges. Getting your wife to go to a topless show while in Vegas guarantees lifetime membership without revocation.

Ummm...no and no. Collecting baseball cards before you hit puberty at least shows some resemblance of manliness. Collecting hooker cards simply means you were there, possibly just picking up trash on the strip...

And going to a topless show with the wife...eh. Mine has been to a strip club here in town with me...no points gained on that...

I've got a list of manly tasks, if you need to re-acquaint yourself with your gender...and you are starting off in the negative for just being married:)

Oliver's Army · Post by **Oliver's Army** » Tue Dec 18, 2007 4:30 pm

I had a lovely salad for lunch. It had a low-fat dressing.

I watched Oprah on the TiVo while I consumed it.

sevesd93 · Post by **sevesd93** » Tue Dec 18, 2007 4:30 pm

I think the manly task list should be posted.

deek · Post by **deek** » Tue Dec 18, 2007 4:34 pm

Well, its not the end all be all list...but it was pretty darn good. I will go find it.

deek · Post by **deek** » Tue Dec 18, 2007 5:09 pm

Ahhh...I found the list!!! Its long, but good...

1 Go to a Superbowl
2 Visit Amsterdam
3 Climb a peak higher than 9,000 feet (El Capitan)
4 Drive a racecar
5 Change your own oil
6 Get in a fight
7 Do a keg stand
8 Two chicks at the same time
9 Make a woman cry
10 Get kicked out of a bar
11 See a MLB, NFL, NHL, and NBA game in person. If you see a WNBA game in person, you are no man.
12 Buy a round of drinks for the bar
13 Tell your boss you quit and that heâ€™s an a-hole
14 Be on stage at a strip club with 2 strippers all over you
15 Get bailed out of jail
16 Blind a chick with your load
17 Judge a wet t-shirt contest (Includes being on stage and pouring the jug of water on the jugs)
18 Piss in public
19 Go to Mardi-Gras
20 Get picked up by the cops for indecent exposure (normally when pissing in public)
21 Wake up in an unknown location (with an unknown chick and/or having no idea how you got there)
22 Spend a night passed out/vomiting in your bathroom
23 Go commando
24 Take a dump outdoors
25 Fire an automatic weapon
26 Walk up to a couple. Push boyfriend/husband out of the way and kiss the chick (one way to get into the bar fight)
27 Go shirtless at sporting event with words on torso or painted in team colors.
28 Convince girlfriend/wife to get a lap dance by a female stripper. Extra credit if she buys a dance for you
29 Grow a full beard
30 Drink a case of beer in one day by yourself
31 Finish a bottle of liquor in one day by yourself
32 The hour of power (1 shot of beer every minute for an hour)
33 Try absinthe
34 Spend all night out and drinking, and go to work in the morning without sleeping
35 Clear a room due to your ridiculous gas
36 Get some action in a movie theater
37 Score on a business trip
38 Know everyone in a local bar by name (ala cheers)
39 Have a sports injury that requires surgery to fix which you can use as an excuse for your weak game the rest of your life.
40 win a belching contest
41 live off the land for 3 days
42 Eat something that you killed
43 go whitewater rafting
44 skydive
45 be an eye witness to two hot chicks making out and offer to join them.
46 get a chick to flash in public
47 run from the cops and get away
48 got to Vegas, put $1000 on black (if you win, break out your Wesley Snipes voice and say â€œalways bet on blackâ€

sevesd93 · Post by **sevesd93** » Tue Dec 18, 2007 5:12 pm

I like it, mainly because it reinforces the fact that I am in fact as manly as I think I am.

deek · Post by **deek** » Tue Dec 18, 2007 5:14 pm

That's an original list, made by four manly men, including Garr before he lost his man status and became a whiny, salad eating, leg shaving, sand in the mangina, man poser...

And if you want to really test your manliness, send me your age and how many of these you have crossed off the list, and I'll post your "man score" here.

Oliver's Army · Post by **Oliver's Army** » Tue Dec 18, 2007 5:15 pm

I don't need a list.

Thanks anyway.

sevesd93 · Post by **sevesd93** » Tue Dec 18, 2007 5:25 pm

Alright Deek, I am 24 and I have 45 crossed off this list.

deek · Post by **deek** » Tue Dec 18, 2007 5:30 pm

That's pretty damn manly...with a man score of 174!

A perfect score, measured by the pantheon of man, is 400, but that would be having all 100 items crossed off the list between 21 and 23 years old. Anyone under 21, cannot possibly be considered a man!

deek · Post by **deek** » Tue Dec 18, 2007 5:36 pm

I rechecked my score (as I have aged over the last 3 years) and I am now only at a 110 man score. I did actually complete two more items...but I am now 31, so time is working against me!

The_Dude · Post by **The_Dude** » Tue Dec 18, 2007 5:51 pm

I've done 32 things on the list.

bassjones · Post by **bassjones** » Tue Dec 18, 2007 5:55 pm

Oliver's Army wrote:I had a lovely salad for lunch. It had a low-fat dressing.

I watched Oprah on the TiVo while I consumed it.

I think you've permanently forfeited your man card...

Ollie said:

I don't need my balls anyway.

well, that's a good thing, because I think you've been neutered.

Oliver's Army · Post by **Oliver's Army** » Tue Dec 18, 2007 5:57 pm

Oh to be young and easily influenced.

deek · Post by **deek** » Tue Dec 18, 2007 6:01 pm

The_Dude wrote:I've done 32 things on the list.

I also need your age.