People that make you feel better about yourself.

bassplayer92 · Post by **bassplayer92** » Wed Jan 31, 2007 5:35 pm

I thought I would start this for the people that are having a bad day and need to feel like their not a total idiot like these people.

So contribute stories and maybe we can keep this going. I'll start.

Drug-possession defendant Christopher Johns, on trial in March in Pontiac, Michigan, said he had been searched without a warrant. The prosecutor said the officer didn't need a warrant because a "bulge" in Christopher's jacket could have been a gun. Nonsense, said Christopher, who happened to be wearing the same jacket that day in court. He handed it over so the judge could see it. The judge discovered a packet of cocaine in the pocket and laughed so hard he required a five-minute recess to compose himself.

bassplayer92 · Post by **bassplayer92** » Wed Jan 31, 2007 5:43 pm

David Posman, 33, was arrested recently in Providence, R.I, after allegedly knocking out an armored car driver and stealing the closest four bags of money. It turned out they contained $800 in PENNIES, weighed 30 pounds each, and slowed him to a stagger during his getaway so that police officers easily jumped him from behind.

bassplayer92 · Post by **bassplayer92** » Wed Jan 31, 2007 5:44 pm

The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan at 7:50am, flashed a gun and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away.

bassplayer92 · Post by **bassplayer92** » Wed Jan 31, 2007 5:44 pm

45 year-old Amy Brasher was arrested in San Antonio, Texas, after a mechanic reported to police that 18 packages of marijuana were packed in the engine compartment of the car which she had brought to the mechanic for an oil change. According to police, Brasher later said that she didn't realize that the mechanic would have to raise the hood to change the oil.

bassplayer92 · Post by **bassplayer92** » Wed Jan 31, 2007 5:45 pm

A construction worker used a circular saw to intentionally cut off one of his hands while on the work site. He claimed that the hand was possessed. Co-workers rushed the man to the hospital and brought the severed hand. At the hospital, the man demanded that the doctors NOT reattach the hand because it was possessed. Now he is suing the doctors and hospital for damages because he claims they should have known that he was psychotic and reattached the hand anyway. Dumb!

bassplayer92 · Post by **bassplayer92** » Wed Jan 31, 2007 5:45 pm

PHILADELPHIA, Pa. - A woman is suing the pharmacy that sold her a popular contraceptive jelly - because she ate the stuff on toast and got pregnant anyway.
And, incredibly, many legal experts are saying she's got an excellent chance of collecting!
"The woman is a complete idiot," said one attorney who asked that we not use his name. "How bright can you be if you think eating a vaginal gel will prevent conception?
"But certain aspects of the case involve truth in labeling and false advertising issues. She may not collect but she'll make a lot of noise and trouble. People are down on lawyers anyway. They think we waste time and money on frivolous lawsuits. This isn't going to help our public relations any."
A spokesman for the unnamed mom-and-pop drugstore says he's shocked and angry that such a case could ever be taken seriously. "All she has to do is open the box and read the directions," says the spokesman. "Next thing you know someone will come after us because they couldn't stick things together with their toothpaste.
"I can just imagine some moron saying: 'It's paste, isn't it? Why can't I glue these papers onto my bulletin board?'"
But attorneys for Mrs. Chyton say she was swindled and lied to by implication and they intend to make the pharmacy pay $500,000 for the hardship the woman will have to endure.
"It says right on it 'jelly,'" says Mrs. Chyton, a former model who was once a cheerleader for a popular professional basketball team.
"And they kept it on the shelf just two aisles from the food section. I know, now, that the directions say it should be used vaginally with a condom.
"But who has time to sit around reading directions these days - especially when you're sexually aroused?
"The company should call it something else and the pharmacy shouldn't sell it without telling each and every customer who buys it that eating it won't prevent you from getting pregnant."
As bizarre as it sounds, the pharmacy could wind up losing the lawsuit.
"It's hard for businesses to avoid troublesome lawsuits," said another attorney.
"With the courts bending over backwards to please consumer groups, the temper of the times is perfect for these crackpots to bring legal action against businesses - even a moronic legal action like this."

adam atherton · Post by **adam atherton** » Wed Jan 31, 2007 5:59 pm

bassplayer92 wrote:PHILADELPHIA, Pa. - A woman is suing the pharmacy that sold her a popular contraceptive jelly - because she ate the stuff on toast and got pregnant anyway.
And, incredibly, many legal experts are saying she's got an excellent chance of collecting!
"The woman is a complete idiot," said one attorney who asked that we not use his name. "How bright can you be if you think eating a vaginal gel will prevent conception?
"But certain aspects of the case involve truth in labeling and false advertising issues. She may not collect but she'll make a lot of noise and trouble. People are down on lawyers anyway. They think we waste time and money on frivolous lawsuits. This isn't going to help our public relations any."
A spokesman for the unnamed mom-and-pop drugstore says he's shocked and angry that such a case could ever be taken seriously. "All she has to do is open the box and read the directions," says the spokesman. "Next thing you know someone will come after us because they couldn't stick things together with their toothpaste.
"I can just imagine some moron saying: 'It's paste, isn't it? Why can't I glue these papers onto my bulletin board?'"
But attorneys for Mrs. Chyton say she was swindled and lied to by implication and they intend to make the pharmacy pay $500,000 for the hardship the woman will have to endure.
"It says right on it 'jelly,'" says Mrs. Chyton, a former model who was once a cheerleader for a popular professional basketball team.
"And they kept it on the shelf just two aisles from the food section. I know, now, that the directions say it should be used vaginally with a condom.
"But who has time to sit around reading directions these days - especially when you're sexually aroused?
"The company should call it something else and the pharmacy shouldn't sell it without telling each and every customer who buys it that eating it won't prevent you from getting pregnant."
As bizarre as it sounds, the pharmacy could wind up losing the lawsuit.
"It's hard for businesses to avoid troublesome lawsuits," said another attorney.
"With the courts bending over backwards to please consumer groups, the temper of the times is perfect for these crackpots to bring legal action against businesses - even a moronic legal action like this."

please see this.

bassplayer92 · Post by **bassplayer92** » Wed Jan 31, 2007 6:07 pm

I didn't know it was just on a website on stupid people so I put it on here.

Silencio · Post by **Silencio** » Wed Jan 31, 2007 6:10 pm

We who are fans of the Weekly World News can recognize their writing style a mile away. Everyone in their universe - lawyers, judges, trailer park owners, aliens who come to influence presidential elections, Soviet leaders, scientists, EVERYone - talks exactly the same way, with the same oddball idioms and figures of speech.

Krieves · Post by **Krieves** » Wed Jan 31, 2007 6:50 pm

The Weekly World News is one of the best, more credible, news sources in the world. Who hasn't seen Bat-Boy.

=^-..-^= · Post by **=^-..-^=** » Wed Jan 31, 2007 6:51 pm

From another thread:

Boys escape, take joy ride in locomotive
Associated Press
NELSONVILLE, Ohio â€“ Two boys walked out of an unlocked juvenile detention home and took an early-morning joy ride on a train â€“ until authorities tracked them down.

The boys managed to start up the Hocking Valley Scenic Railway locomotive early Tuesday after breaking through a side door into the building that houses the engine, said Sgt. Edward Kurtz of the Nelsonville police.

No cars were attached to the engine, which usually hauls tourists.

The tracks go by the windows of the city police station, and Hocking College police also noticed the engine rolling down the tracks.

â€œThatâ€™s very unusual. The train runs only on weekends,â€

=^-..-^= · Post by **=^-..-^=** » Wed Jan 31, 2007 6:57 pm

From my own class room:

I was reading off my usual class opening stuff - This day in history, etc, when one of the girls in my class said, "Man, I'm having serious deja vu!"

The more I read, the more she kept repeating, "Man deja vu! deja vu! It's like I heard all this stuff before!"

A fellow student finally pointed out that she was there making up attendance hours, and that she had been in my class that morning. . . . .

adam atherton · Post by **adam atherton** » Wed Jan 31, 2007 9:26 pm

Krieves wrote:The Weekly World News is one of the best, more credible, news sources in the world. Who hasn't seen Bat-Boy.

it's the eighth highest circulated paper in the world, i'll have you know...

LowLife · Post by **LowLife** » Thu Feb 01, 2007 12:33 am

=^-..-^= wrote:From my own class room:

I was reading off my usual class opening stuff - This day in history, etc, when one of the girls in my class said, "Man, I'm having serious deja vu!"

The more I read, the more she kept repeating, "Man deja vu! deja vu! It's like I heard all this stuff before!"

A fellow student finally pointed out that she was there making up attendance hours, and that she had been in my class that morning. . . . .

amazing kids these days!

Krieves · Post by **Krieves** » Thu Feb 01, 2007 9:21 am

adam atherton wrote:
Krieves wrote:The Weekly World News is one of the best, more credible, news sources in the world. Who hasn't seen Bat-Boy.
it's the eighth highest circulated paper in the world, i'll have you know...

I believe it. That's how I know that Elvis, JFK, and Tupac are really alive and living in Grand Rapids where they own and operate a Cracker Barrel. The mainstream media won't carry these important stories.