Deer Santa

[Garr]

Since some people are easily offended, you'll have to use your mouse to select and read these. That way, no one can b*tch at me for posting questionable content. It's your own fault if you read it!

deer santa:
I wud like a kool toy space ranjur fer Xmas. Iv ben a gud boy all yeer.
Yer Frend, BiLLy

Dear Billy,
Nice spelling. You're on your way to a career in lawn care. How
about I send you a frigging book so you can learn to read and write? I'm
giving your older brother the space ranger. At least HE can spell!
Love,
Santa



Dear Santa,
I have been a good girl all year, and the only thing I ask for
is peace and joy in the world for everybody!
Love,
Sarah

Dear Sarah,
Your parents smoked pot when they had you, didn't they?
Love,
Santa



Dear Santa,
I don't know if you can do this, but for Christmas, I'd like for
my mommy and daddy to get back together. Please see what you can do.
Love,
Teddy

Dear Teddy,
Look, your dad's banging the babysitter like a screen door in a
hurricane. Do you think he's gonna give that up to come back to your
frigid, fat mom, who rides his ass constantly? It's time to give up that dream.
Let me get you some nice Legos instead. Maybe you can build yourself a
family with those?
Love,
Santa



Dear Santa,
I want a new bike, a Playstation, a train, some G.I. Joes, a
dog, a drum kit, a pony and a tuba.
Love,
Francis

Dear Francis,
Who names their kid "Francis" nowadays? I bet you're gay.
Love,
Santa



Dear Santa,
I left milk and cookies for you under the tree, and I left
carrots for your reindeer outside the back door.
Love,
Susan

Dear Susan,
Milk gives me the sh*ts and carrots make the deer fart in my
face when riding in the sleigh. You want to do me a favor? Two words, Jim Beam.
Love,
Santa



Dear Santa,
What do you do the other 364 days of the year? Are you busy making toys?
Your friend,
Thomas

Dear Thomas,
All the toys are made by little kids like you in China. Every year I give
them a slice of bread as a Christmas bonus. I have a condo in Vegas, where
I spend most of my time making low-budget porno films. I unwind by drinking
myself silly and squeezing the asses of cocktail waitresses while losing money at the craps table.
Love,
Santa



Dear Santa,
Do you see us when we're sleeping, do you really know when we're awake,
like in the song?
Love,
Jessica

Dear Jessica,
Are you really that gullible? Good luck in whatever you do. I'm skipping
your house.
Love,
Santa



Dear Santa,
I really really want a puppy this year. Please please please PLEASE PLEASE
could I have one?
Love,
Timmy

Dear Timmy,
That whiney begging sh*t may work with your folks, but that crap doesn't
work with me. You're getting an ugly sweater again.
Love,
Santa



Dearest Santa,
We don't have a chimney in our house, how do you get into our
home?
Love,
Marky

Dear Mark,
First, stop calling yourself "Marky", that's why you're getting your ass
kicked at school. Second, you don't live in a house, you live in a
low-rent, ghetto apartment complex. Third, I get inside your pad
just like all the burglars do, through your bedroom window.
Sweet Dreams,
Santa

[jforbes]

HA HA HA ! that's terrible.
Ha ha Ha!