Who am I? Are you serious???

[scuzzbagcomics]

I am so much more special, or as some might say "specialer" than everyone else on this planet that I should get paid to be so awesome.

Anybody want to sponsor me?

I will tattoo your company's name on my ass for 1,000 dollars American. That is good advertising! You have no clue about the extent of this market. My ass is visible to thousands of people every week. My ass is more visible than CBS15 is to the region's viewers.

Take this witness's testimony:

Name: Jed Etzel.

"Every night I turn into CBS 15 on my color television, but out of the corner of my eye, I see someone's ass outside my window. Hmmm... East of Chicago buy one medium one topping get one free.

Man, I'm gonna order a pizza!"

Trust Jed. He is a very reliable witness. He's got the whitest lightning I've ever got zapped off.

Hmmm... anyways

It's all good.