Who is Jojo: An Introspective Journey into Polemical Delight
Posted: Wed Feb 08, 2006 5:16 pm
real name: Adam Scrotum (there's a middle school story behind this one)
most important parts in my youth:
i was basically babysat by my cousin in the 80s. this meant:
1) jean jackets
2) bon jovi
3) whitesnake
4) horror movies
I was really into "monsters." I really loved Fright Night (the movie). Up until recently, i had always dreamed of hooking up with a beautiful vampire girl while remaining a mortal.
so the next big paradigm was... NINTENDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ZELDA!
Mega Man 3!!!!!!!!!
WOOOOOOOLVERIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!
Double Dragon 2!
Final Fantasy!!!!!!
(notice the shape?)
Anyways, i was pretty skinny until this paradigm. At this point, i got fat. I even still have some of the fat in my belly, mantitties, and lovehandles. BESIDES THE POINT. maybe not. I also had asthma. I pretty much lost my asthma about 3 years ago when I went vegetarian. That's a new paradigm that doesn't fit the story right now.
pre/elementary school was a weird experience for me. i moved a few times during preschool/kindergarten and got to experience the magic of Indianapolis, Warsaw, and Auburn.
I have a gradecard from 2nd grade that says "Adam would do well to quit arguing with his peers." When I found that I couldn't stop laughing. SECOND GRADE! WOOOO! There's also a picture of me when i was like 4 in my underwear flipping off the camera holding a Ghostbusters toy (I loved The Ghostbusters too)
So i was a huge fan of action movies. That's when i saw about 99% of the action movies I've seen (I rarely EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVER watch them now).
Killa movies from this era:
American Ninja (I believe Poo saw this one and found a cinematographical error)
American Ninja 2
American Ninja 3
American Ninja 4
Best of the Best 1
Best of the Best 2
Kickboxer
Kickboxer 2
It was around this era when I got mah dog. I named him, of course, Ninja.
I used to get all the karate books at the school's library. Judo, Karate, Jiu-Jitsu, etc. BOMB.
This era was really the beginning of my alienation with people. Too many things were f'd up, though I couldn't put my finger on it. I remember being super anti-racist back then (as if anything's changed).
Middle School kicked me into super alienated mode. I was lucky as pissing F'ing piss to have befriend Shaun "Shlong" L fairly early on. Meeting him was complete providence. Anyways, this kid complimented my will to creativity and pimpness and we complimented and challenged each other to reach higher levels of awesomeness. It's like Vygotsky's "zone of proximal development." So that was 6th grade. In 7th grade, by providence again, I met Mike "4ill" G. Meeting Mike was a SERIOUS paradigm shift. Almost everything I had been feeling was embodied in this crafty character. While I was already primed for heavier music, this guy gave me the key to the door. AWESOME!
So the paradigm was relatively stable through middle to highschool. Again, I stress how lucky I was to have these two dudes. Had it not been for them, I wouldn't have had creative outlets and I would've taken a sharp right towards crazy.
This era had musical paradigms abound:
1) Nirvana (heaviest shat on the radio) - 6th grade
2) Metallica (heaviest shat they barely played on the radio at the time) - 7th grade
3) Slayer (heaviest shat EVER as far as i was concerned) - 8th grade
3) Pantera - 8th grade. Pantera was unbelievable to a kid who listened to Metallica because they were heavy.
4) Fear Factory (me and Mike G stared at each other during the first 30 seconds of Demanufacture. A simple bass drum about made us piss on each other) - 8th grade
5) Sepultura (soooooooo raw. SOOOO ruthless raw. the ozzfe$t version of Attitude is F'ING RAW BROOTAL RAW)
6) Six Feet Under (accessible sorta-rock-death-metal) - 8th grade (BY THE WAY: we got them to play a SFU song at a dance in 8th grade. weird.)
7) CARCASS - this was it. puuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure beauty. i was expecting cannibal corpse. i was really expecting something dry, boring, and monotonous. i had been putting off buying the album, but i did. sooooooo amazing. SOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooo amazing. I would be surprised by this band for years to come, even though they had broken up at least a year before I got their cd. 9th Grade like a Maw Fahkah.
Radiohead - super soft. SUPER HEAVY! this was a paradigm in itself because i learned a whole new pallette. it was like being able to see a new colour - or dimension. CRAZY. Planet Telex is one of the heaviest songs ever evered.
Around 12th grade I started getting way jaded and way cynical. I burned bridges with most of my gangstaz. I started talking sh*t to way more people - including teachers: My last class of highschool was spent in I.S.S. because of the following story:
Calling teachers "Mr. and Ms. and Mrs. Blah Blah" was ridiculous. These people went to college for four years and learned jackshit. Now i have to respect them? Anyways, movies are cheesy as hell and kids in 80s movies sometimes refer to the teacher as "Teach" or "Teacher." So I called my Art History teacher "teach" and "teacher." One day, she snapped, telling me that she wouldn't respond to me so long as I addressed her as "teach" or "teacher." I had to call her "Mrs. Buchs." (i dont know if that's her name or not, i dont remember.)
So i forgot about that. Then I kept trying to talk to her without her responding, and finally it hit me that she was giving me the silent treatment. So i says "OHhhhhhhhhhh GEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeez i'm sooooo sorry! Ooooooook! Let's give the baby her bottle! MRS. BUCHS will you pleeeeeeeease answer me now?"
Apparently it flipped her out and she got me kicked out for the next two classes. Funny and happy ending to this story: She sent down a study guide for me. As I was looking at it, i was thinking, "Damn... this study guide looks a lot like a test." BAM! It was the final! Easy A! Thanks Mrs. Buchs!
Man, I got in serious trouble in 12th grade. And it was all within like 3 months. Like i was DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYAM close to being expelled. It was like playing russian roulette, Deer Hunter (the movie) -style.
So i had basically been in the Auburn area for about 12 years. Then I moved to fort wayne. Best thing that ever happened to me = getting away from Auburn.
Slightly new paradigm: I had been in a Cisco Networking program in 12th grade. I got a credit at Ivy Tech for taking the class. So i thought "Hey, i'll go to ivy tech." But I mainly went there because i didn't take the SATs in time for IPFW. (I could've taken IPFW SATs, but I didn't want to pay the $30 or whatever) So I, surprisingly as piss to me, kicked ass and took names at Ivy Tech. I got 2 B's there in 3 years (Accounting 1 and Java - I got an A in Accounting 2). This was a dramatic DRAAAAAAAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATIC change from my f'ing highschool grades.
Quick bummer time: I was in showchoir (no, i wasn't a flamboyant R Kelly fan, i played guits).
There are all sorts of fun stories all over the place.
Fairly big milestones from various eras:
-Seeing Black Sabbath in Chicago after a 30 year hiatus
-Seeing Fear Factory in Columbus (
al rosa villa)
-Seeing King Diamond at Metalfest
-Seeing Today is the Day at Metalfest
-Seeing Candiria with Dillinger Escape Plan - HUUUUUUGE. July 7 2000
-Seeing U2 with my ultra-gangstaz Tim and Matt (Tim and Matt are the new Shaun and Mikes)
-Mooning a good portion of the school as Tres Crackheads with Shaun (sans Mike)
-Giving the Napalm Death presentation
-Disagreeing with my 11th grade english teacher when she said that "Sometimes Fiction can be more real than reality" (power inchoate!)
A HUGE PARADIGM SHIFT:
I ate at Wendy's like at leeeeeeast once a day. The people there knew my voice and knew what i would inevitably order: 2 junior bacon cheeseburgers, Biggie fry, and a biggie Cherry Coke. I was all about Steak 'n Shakes "fresco melt platter." ALLL about Friday's "jack daniels steak." But for a LONG time I knew that what was happening to my peoples (the animals) was real messed up and real wrong. I had been putting it off for a long time. a LONG time. Finally I kept thinking about looking into my dog's eyes as his throat was being cut, chickens on so many growth hormones that their legs break under the pressure, and the millions of animals getting played for nonsense, and SHAZZAM i went vegetarian. Huge deal. I eventually bought nonleather everything. I still have my notorious leather wallet so that I remember where i came from and never become an over-zealous vegan who flips out fo' rill.
One of the biggest deals of my life - if only for self-control! I was a meataholic and quit "cold-turkey."
THE BIGGEST PARADIGM SHIFT...
occured while at Ivy Tech. I was flipping out about anti-vegetarian nonsense and asked pimp Nathan from Upheaval. He had told me at least once before that to check it out, but this time I finally took his advice instantly: I read The Story of B by Daniel Quinn.
Holy hell! This book absolutely BLEW ME AWAAAAAAAAAAAAY. It was the Mike and Shaun of the new era. After reading this I was super bummed, but not the same way everyone else who reads the book gets. I was bummed because I HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE READING!!!!!!!!! HATE IT!
but i knew i had to read a LOT more to get down to the roots of our cultural prollums. bummer. My hatred of reading stems from highschool and its policy of mandatory reading. Being the rad rebel i am, i developed a distaste for readin. BUMMER. To this day I still drag my heels when I read.
there's probably more, but i'll keep it long instead of f'ing super long.
"Thank you, thank YOU, and f**k YOU!" - Dennis Leary
on edit:
I was born on February 22, 1983 (BUMMER)
most important parts in my youth:
i was basically babysat by my cousin in the 80s. this meant:
1) jean jackets
2) bon jovi
3) whitesnake
4) horror movies
I was really into "monsters." I really loved Fright Night (the movie). Up until recently, i had always dreamed of hooking up with a beautiful vampire girl while remaining a mortal.
so the next big paradigm was... NINTENDO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ZELDA!
Mega Man 3!!!!!!!!!
WOOOOOOOLVERIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINE!
Double Dragon 2!
Final Fantasy!!!!!!
(notice the shape?)
Anyways, i was pretty skinny until this paradigm. At this point, i got fat. I even still have some of the fat in my belly, mantitties, and lovehandles. BESIDES THE POINT. maybe not. I also had asthma. I pretty much lost my asthma about 3 years ago when I went vegetarian. That's a new paradigm that doesn't fit the story right now.
pre/elementary school was a weird experience for me. i moved a few times during preschool/kindergarten and got to experience the magic of Indianapolis, Warsaw, and Auburn.
I have a gradecard from 2nd grade that says "Adam would do well to quit arguing with his peers." When I found that I couldn't stop laughing. SECOND GRADE! WOOOO! There's also a picture of me when i was like 4 in my underwear flipping off the camera holding a Ghostbusters toy (I loved The Ghostbusters too)
So i was a huge fan of action movies. That's when i saw about 99% of the action movies I've seen (I rarely EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEVER watch them now).
Killa movies from this era:
American Ninja (I believe Poo saw this one and found a cinematographical error)
American Ninja 2
American Ninja 3
American Ninja 4
Best of the Best 1
Best of the Best 2
Kickboxer
Kickboxer 2
It was around this era when I got mah dog. I named him, of course, Ninja.
I used to get all the karate books at the school's library. Judo, Karate, Jiu-Jitsu, etc. BOMB.
This era was really the beginning of my alienation with people. Too many things were f'd up, though I couldn't put my finger on it. I remember being super anti-racist back then (as if anything's changed).
Middle School kicked me into super alienated mode. I was lucky as pissing F'ing piss to have befriend Shaun "Shlong" L fairly early on. Meeting him was complete providence. Anyways, this kid complimented my will to creativity and pimpness and we complimented and challenged each other to reach higher levels of awesomeness. It's like Vygotsky's "zone of proximal development." So that was 6th grade. In 7th grade, by providence again, I met Mike "4ill" G. Meeting Mike was a SERIOUS paradigm shift. Almost everything I had been feeling was embodied in this crafty character. While I was already primed for heavier music, this guy gave me the key to the door. AWESOME!
So the paradigm was relatively stable through middle to highschool. Again, I stress how lucky I was to have these two dudes. Had it not been for them, I wouldn't have had creative outlets and I would've taken a sharp right towards crazy.
This era had musical paradigms abound:
1) Nirvana (heaviest shat on the radio) - 6th grade
2) Metallica (heaviest shat they barely played on the radio at the time) - 7th grade
3) Slayer (heaviest shat EVER as far as i was concerned) - 8th grade
3) Pantera - 8th grade. Pantera was unbelievable to a kid who listened to Metallica because they were heavy.
4) Fear Factory (me and Mike G stared at each other during the first 30 seconds of Demanufacture. A simple bass drum about made us piss on each other) - 8th grade
5) Sepultura (soooooooo raw. SOOOO ruthless raw. the ozzfe$t version of Attitude is F'ING RAW BROOTAL RAW)
6) Six Feet Under (accessible sorta-rock-death-metal) - 8th grade (BY THE WAY: we got them to play a SFU song at a dance in 8th grade. weird.)
7) CARCASS - this was it. puuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure beauty. i was expecting cannibal corpse. i was really expecting something dry, boring, and monotonous. i had been putting off buying the album, but i did. sooooooo amazing. SOOOOOOOOOOooooooooooo amazing. I would be surprised by this band for years to come, even though they had broken up at least a year before I got their cd. 9th Grade like a Maw Fahkah.
Radiohead - super soft. SUPER HEAVY! this was a paradigm in itself because i learned a whole new pallette. it was like being able to see a new colour - or dimension. CRAZY. Planet Telex is one of the heaviest songs ever evered.Around 12th grade I started getting way jaded and way cynical. I burned bridges with most of my gangstaz. I started talking sh*t to way more people - including teachers: My last class of highschool was spent in I.S.S. because of the following story:
Calling teachers "Mr. and Ms. and Mrs. Blah Blah" was ridiculous. These people went to college for four years and learned jackshit. Now i have to respect them? Anyways, movies are cheesy as hell and kids in 80s movies sometimes refer to the teacher as "Teach" or "Teacher." So I called my Art History teacher "teach" and "teacher." One day, she snapped, telling me that she wouldn't respond to me so long as I addressed her as "teach" or "teacher." I had to call her "Mrs. Buchs." (i dont know if that's her name or not, i dont remember.)
So i forgot about that. Then I kept trying to talk to her without her responding, and finally it hit me that she was giving me the silent treatment. So i says "OHhhhhhhhhhh GEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeeez i'm sooooo sorry! Ooooooook! Let's give the baby her bottle! MRS. BUCHS will you pleeeeeeeease answer me now?"
Apparently it flipped her out and she got me kicked out for the next two classes. Funny and happy ending to this story: She sent down a study guide for me. As I was looking at it, i was thinking, "Damn... this study guide looks a lot like a test." BAM! It was the final! Easy A! Thanks Mrs. Buchs!
Man, I got in serious trouble in 12th grade. And it was all within like 3 months. Like i was DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYAM close to being expelled. It was like playing russian roulette, Deer Hunter (the movie) -style.
So i had basically been in the Auburn area for about 12 years. Then I moved to fort wayne. Best thing that ever happened to me = getting away from Auburn.
Slightly new paradigm: I had been in a Cisco Networking program in 12th grade. I got a credit at Ivy Tech for taking the class. So i thought "Hey, i'll go to ivy tech." But I mainly went there because i didn't take the SATs in time for IPFW. (I could've taken IPFW SATs, but I didn't want to pay the $30 or whatever) So I, surprisingly as piss to me, kicked ass and took names at Ivy Tech. I got 2 B's there in 3 years (Accounting 1 and Java - I got an A in Accounting 2). This was a dramatic DRAAAAAAAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATIC change from my f'ing highschool grades.
Quick bummer time: I was in showchoir (no, i wasn't a flamboyant R Kelly fan, i played guits).
There are all sorts of fun stories all over the place.
Fairly big milestones from various eras:
-Seeing Black Sabbath in Chicago after a 30 year hiatus
-Seeing Fear Factory in Columbus (
al rosa villa)-Seeing King Diamond at Metalfest
-Seeing Today is the Day at Metalfest
-Seeing Candiria with Dillinger Escape Plan - HUUUUUUGE. July 7 2000
-Seeing U2 with my ultra-gangstaz Tim and Matt (Tim and Matt are the new Shaun and Mikes)
-Mooning a good portion of the school as Tres Crackheads with Shaun (sans Mike)
-Giving the Napalm Death presentation
-Disagreeing with my 11th grade english teacher when she said that "Sometimes Fiction can be more real than reality" (power inchoate!)
A HUGE PARADIGM SHIFT:
I ate at Wendy's like at leeeeeeast once a day. The people there knew my voice and knew what i would inevitably order: 2 junior bacon cheeseburgers, Biggie fry, and a biggie Cherry Coke. I was all about Steak 'n Shakes "fresco melt platter." ALLL about Friday's "jack daniels steak." But for a LONG time I knew that what was happening to my peoples (the animals) was real messed up and real wrong. I had been putting it off for a long time. a LONG time. Finally I kept thinking about looking into my dog's eyes as his throat was being cut, chickens on so many growth hormones that their legs break under the pressure, and the millions of animals getting played for nonsense, and SHAZZAM i went vegetarian. Huge deal. I eventually bought nonleather everything. I still have my notorious leather wallet so that I remember where i came from and never become an over-zealous vegan who flips out fo' rill.
One of the biggest deals of my life - if only for self-control! I was a meataholic and quit "cold-turkey."
THE BIGGEST PARADIGM SHIFT...
occured while at Ivy Tech. I was flipping out about anti-vegetarian nonsense and asked pimp Nathan from Upheaval. He had told me at least once before that to check it out, but this time I finally took his advice instantly: I read The Story of B by Daniel Quinn.
Holy hell! This book absolutely BLEW ME AWAAAAAAAAAAAAY. It was the Mike and Shaun of the new era. After reading this I was super bummed, but not the same way everyone else who reads the book gets. I was bummed because I HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAATE READING!!!!!!!!! HATE IT!
but i knew i had to read a LOT more to get down to the roots of our cultural prollums. bummer. My hatred of reading stems from highschool and its policy of mandatory reading. Being the rad rebel i am, i developed a distaste for readin. BUMMER. To this day I still drag my heels when I read.
there's probably more, but i'll keep it long instead of f'ing super long.
"Thank you, thank YOU, and f**k YOU!" - Dennis Leary
on edit:
I was born on February 22, 1983 (BUMMER)
)